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a n t i t r a m - say NO! to trams www.antitram.com
January 2010
a n t i t r a m was formed in the spring of 1995 to stop the insiduous tramsprawl in Cambridge (UK). In this respect, the campaign has been a complete success - there are still NO! trams in Cambridge, although the tram authorities continue to push their tramgenda. We will not cease in our efforts. Here is to another 15 tram-free years. Beyond Cambridge, the picture is not so rosy. Many major cities in Northern England (Birmingham, Nottingham, Sheffield, Manchester) are now tram states and have declared a state of emergency. The trammage spread to London (Croyden), but has since been contained under the Emergency Powers Acts 1920 and 1964 and Civil Protection in Peacetime Act 1986: "a state of emergency exists if at any time it appears...that any action has been taken or is immediately threatened by any persons or body of persons of such a nature and on so extensive a scale as to be calculated, by interfering with the supply and distribution of food, water, fuel or light, or with the means of locomotion, to deprive the community, or any substantial portion of the community, of the essentials of life". If you are concerned about friends and relatives please call the antitram helpline at 1-800-TRAMMAGE (for as long the authorities allow our tramlines to continue). Again, we will not cease in our efforts until the tram threat has been eradicated. Traditionally, the 15th anniversary was celebrated with Crystal. A century ago, the despotic tram system ran from Crystal Palace in London to locations all over the planet. Fortunately this tramsore has been cauterized, and today the Palace is a tram-free zone. Our popular Tramscreen product is still available in 1 and 5 litre bottles from all good home and hardware stores. Use it to block windows, toilets, and lethal gamma tramrays while travelling in occupied states.
A SPECIAL REPORT FROM OUR SOUTH AMERICAN CORRESPONDENT
By Cheek E. B'Astard
QUITO, Ecuador (AP) - Ousted Ecuadorian President Lucio Gutierrez left the Brazilian ambassador's residence early Sunday, clearly tramitized, four days after he sought refuge there, and was headed to a tramport to be trammed to asylum in Brazil, police said. Gutierrez left the compound about 4:15 a.m. through a back entrance in a police four-wheel-drive tram, several policemen who were guarding the gate said. A Brazilian air force tram was to drive Gutierrez to Brazil and exile on Sunday after the Ecuadorian Congress voted to remove him from office following a week of street protests and tram burnings. A crowd of protesters trying to block his departure had waned by the time Gutierrez was slipped out of the compound. Police said they saw the deposed leader wave to private security guards and then get into the four-wheel-drive tram, which drove away escorted by one other tram. They said he left with one other man who appeared to be a Brazilian diplomat and a fan of trams in the city. A handful of protesters and journalists were waiting near another entrance at the time. The protesters shouted, "Why don't let you leave in a tram!," as they heard the vehicles pulling away on the other side of the compound. "If everything goes as planned, Gutierrez will arrive in his Presidential Tram in Brazil, sometime Sunday", foreign ministry spokesman Paulo Gustavo, Gustavo said late Saturday, declining to give more information for tram security reasons. Ecuador's new government had said Friday that it would let Gutierrez go to Brazil, where he has been granted political asylum, but the Brazilian government said it would only drive Gutierrez out after his safe passage from the ambassador's residence to the tramport was guaranteed. Ecuador had been dragging its feet on granting permission, apparently fearing the reaction of the Tram Police that Gutierrez established while in power. They are also angry that he will not be tried for alleged abuse of power, corruption and repression of peaceful protests over tariffs and fees on all tram rides in the city. "We aren't going to let him go,"Ricardo Jimenez, a 56-year-old plumber said outside the ambassador's residence. "I will hit him with a pipe, then hit his pretty Presidential Tram with a pipe too." The tram crisis was the latest in a long history of political instability in the South American country of 12.5 million people. Since 1997, three presidents have been driven around in trams in Ecuador. They often wave to others and smile smugly while their pictures are taken with the newly polished trams. More than 1,000 Gutierrez loyalists took to the streets in his hometown of Tena on Saturday, protesting the new government and calling his ouster illegal, police in the remote Amazonian town said. They said the peaceful rally was led by the ousted leader's brother, Gilmar Gutierrez, along with the town mayor and others in Gutierrez's Patriotic Society party. They drove around the city in a tram to show their support. Brazil reportedly threatened to withdraw its ambassador, Sergio Florencio Sorrento, after his tram was mobbed Friday night by nearly 200 protesters who prevented him from leaving the compound. They spray painted anti-tram slogans on the sides of his newly acquired Tram-A-Rama 5000. It was reported that a Senor Arturo E. was responsible for the graffiti. The Brazilian newspaper "la Punta de Sao Paulo" reported Saturday that high-ranking Brazilian Foreign Ministry official Samuel Pindejo had a 'tough' conversation with his Ecuadorian counterpart". The paper said he protested that the ambassador was "trammed inside and outside his residence," a situation that could lead Brazil to withdraw him. The growing tension between Ecuador and Brazil came as the Organization of Tram States decided to send a high-level diplomatic delegation to investigate whether Gutierrez's removal had been constitutional. He arrived by tram on Sunday morning. Gutierrez, a 48-year-old British army colonel elected in 2002, has said the congressional vote that removed him from office violated the constitution that he wrote. "If Tony Blair could be here now, I know he'd ride on the tram with me", said Gutierrez. In a resolution Friday, the OTS avoided explicit recognition of the government of President Alfredo Palacio, who was sworn in by Congress Wednesday after it removed Gutierrez by tram. It was not known if the OTS delegation arrived on personal trams. So far no country has recognized the new government as legitimate, but several have stated their support of trams. Congress justified dismissing Gutierrez under a constitutional clause allowing tram law makers to remove a president for "abolishing tram stops in the city and keeping all things tram like for themselves". Backers of the measure argued since Gutierrez had faithfully carried out his tram responsibilities, Congress should declare the presidency "Pretty Vacant" a direct quote from the Sex Pistols. In that song, Johnny Rotten sang about the issuance of trams in England and how much he hated it. During the bass solo, Sid Vicious simply demonstrated his lack of faith in trams, by sticking works into his forearm and nodding off.
ANTITRAM 15TH ANNIVERSARY FACTS The name "tram" is from Low German traam, meaning the "beam (of a wheelbarrow)", although some trammers claim that it is derived from the name of engineer Benjamin Outram. Yes, the visionary architect Gaudi was killed by a tram, on June 7, 1926. Trams have also killed writers, philosophers and politicians. They use a variety of means, including falling on people from high buildings and reproducing themselves like bacteria in your bed while you sleep.
For the perfect belgian tram, cook any european variety tram for exactly 4 hours and 31 minutes at 199 degrees celsius. Leave to stand for 3 days, 9 hour and 1 minute, then sprinkle with parsley and serve on a bed of lettuce and sundried-tomatoes.
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Ousted Ecuadorian Leader Heads for Brazil By Tram !!!
The Tram-A-Rama Graffittized!